I am no Masterchef contender, nor a gourmet food critique, nor a designer of soft pliable spring-less mattresses, nor for that matter an installer of brake pads for Ford motor vehicles. So what makes my comments relevant? Why I am relevant is that I have seriously been dining and guesting out for over 20 years. I know fine glass ware; table linen ( is it cotton or polyester?) and cutlery; and I know how I feel when I walk into a restaurant, guest house or hotel.

I am no Portfolio of Places, I am just me, what pleases me, what makes me comfortable and what my palate enjoys. I am no different to any other guest surely? I am just Ms Joe Blog… I experience what they experience, but I can post it because I believe in my views.

I am a consumer. I know what Ms Average enjoys? Clean room; clean bathroom; warm greetings; clean linen; clean glasses; good food; good ablutions in restaurants and respect for my custom? You don’t have to serve me a Michelen meal but you do have to give me a good meal at a good price.

I don’t need to know whether my fillet is a fine cut – I just need to know I enjoyed it. I don’t need to know that my tomatoes are right off the vine. I just need to taste them. If I don’t enjoy the taste of my meal, then I can say so. It is my view, I am average, take it or leave it. Word of mouth is the most valuable tool. While I am not a Victor Strugo or Barry Ronge…. I know what I like and dislike… if you are offended or pleased, then I am on the button… not so?

So what has tickled my fancy lately and what has just left me cold?

The Wind Jammer in Randpark Ridge restored my faith that there was somewhere decent to eat in the Randpark Ridge area. Their honey glazed pork chops are to die for. Best mash in town – at this point in time.

Some have fallen by my wayside like Chilling Thyme whose waitress, despite a good tip, took extra (albeit cents that’s not the point) and ruined my lunch. Olive ‘n Twist started off good but have become mediocre (you see you don’t really want me in your restaurant neh!) Tony’s – well I can take it or leave it. Chicago’s.. not bad but love the music.

It seems to have a decent meal, one has to cross the ‘Beyer’s Naude’ bridge – Rocomammas, Cape Town Fish Market (Cresta) and the usual haunts of Parkhurst – Espresso for good fast food and Bistro and Vine for fine dining. Clearwater Mall restaurants have disappointed. Spare me the Fourways area they just don’t seem to entice me.

A really lovely meal was recently had at Quill’s at O R Tambo International Airport. The pasta was delicious and their service was good. Fine glassware. Napkins.

The thing is you get what you pay for… if you want a linen napkin and good glassware, pay for it with good grace. If you want a quick meal of pizza or something then hey enjoy that ambiance.

Me, Ms Joe Blog, because I enjoy the whole dining out, guesting out experience…. I look for certain elements that I would expect to find in a Guest House or restaurant. Does that make me qualified ?? Hey, my experience and taste buds make me qualified to comment – because I am not out of the normal.

I love to eat in the restaurants that my colleagues on the Gautrain like to eat in; I like to stay in guest houses that my friends like to stay in – that makes me average. Therefore ” I am me and you are me and we are all together – I am the egg man woah ….”

If you are looking for me….I am desperately trying to find a nice place to eat a light meal with some vino at sunset…. call me?